Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
