I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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