update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
