well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
