i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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