I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
