I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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