dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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