we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
should my penis look like a turkey
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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