worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
