You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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