just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
