She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
