oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
