just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
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