I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ugly people sure do ruin things
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
