im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
