They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
