I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
