Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
