True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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