That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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