About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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