you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
