I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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