She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
