bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
