New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
