he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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