Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't put those talents on a resume
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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