Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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