we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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