perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
