how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
