Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
