When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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