I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
