I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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