I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
nutella sex= disaster
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
