Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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