Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
