Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
