Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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