i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
