Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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