Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My life is pants optional.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
