Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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