Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
