and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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