It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
