Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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