How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize