I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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