my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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