Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
