dude i'm inner monologue high
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
