things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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