she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
