just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
