i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
