so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
