Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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