im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
