I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
