maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Found the puke drawer
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
