pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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