if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
