Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
