I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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