i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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