Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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