you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
