Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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