dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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