do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize