I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize