my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
