I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
