That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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