Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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