Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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