that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
