she was so not down for the gang bang
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
