my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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