I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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