I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
