I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
