I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
