There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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