Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
