Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dignity is for republicans.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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