Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
