It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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