I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
