Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
