dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
