he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
