Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
