2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
