So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
