I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
